After 473 days of running—paying and pouring, dancing and reeling, sleeping and crying, throwing myself off the tallest building of "This one will do" and "I wonder how long this particular game will last?" that I could find, over and over—I finally told my reflection to sit and listen to her Maker.

"You aren’t healing yourself by pouring into him, you’re only depleting yourself."

That was God’s clear whisper to my heart. After all the striving, the endless cycles of giving to people and relationships that drained me, I had to admit that I was avoiding the very thing I claimed to want—His best. I kept convincing myself that being a light in someone else’s darkness was the highest calling I could fulfill, when in truth, I was burning myself out, emptying myself to the point where I could no longer shine.

But I wasn’t always like this. There was a time when I fully trusted God for His best. I waited. I prayed. I believed. But somewhere along the line, in the space between unmet expectations and heartbreak, I started to settle. I stopped believing that I was worthy of the best God had for me, and instead, I told myself that being “useful” to others was enough. It was easier to throw myself into pouring out for someone who wasn’t meant to stay than to be still and trust God to bring the right people and opportunities into my life.

The Danger of Settling for Less

When we settle, it’s not always about losing faith in God’s promises. Sometimes, we settle because we’ve stopped believing we deserve better. We convince ourselves that if we pour enough, sacrifice enough, give enough, maybe—just maybe—we’ll be rewarded in the end. But here’s the truth: settling never leads to rest. It leads to exhaustion.

There comes a point where we cross the line from being a light to snuffing out our own flame for the sake of someone who was simply meant to be inspired by us in passing. We try to convince ourselves that this is what we wanted: to be a blessing, to be used as a willing vessel. We tell ourselves, "I’m leading them to God."

But deep down, we know the truth: we’re offering ourselves up in ways God never told us to, giving our hearts in places where He never asked us to invest. We throw ourselves into relationships, friendships, or situations that deplete us, convincing ourselves that it's noble to suffer for the sake of someone else's salvation. In doing so, we miss the heart of God.

God never asked us to be martyrs for the sake of other people’s growth. He never intended for us to pour out until we're empty. He desires us to live out of the overflow—to give from a place of wholeness, not depletion.

The Misconception of Being a Martyr

I remember praying to God after yet another heartbreak, saying, “If I’m just going to keep getting my heart broken, Lord, I might as well plant a seed in the midst of every lesson. Use me.” I imagined that this was a noble perspective. I was willing to suffer if it meant someone else could see God through me.

But I also imagine God looking down at me, His heart torn, as I misunderstood His desires. As though He was pimping me out, and the least I could do was lead these men to Him. When in reality, He was beckoning me to love myself enough not to put myself in situations that were never His will.

I wasn’t called to offer myself up like a sacrificial lamb on the altar of someone else’s healing. God wasn’t calling me to be the savior in someone’s life. He alone is the Savior.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that God wanted me to stop running from His best by playing the martyr. He wanted me to see myself the way He sees me—as someone worthy of being loved and cherished. Someone who didn’t need to keep proving her worth by giving away pieces of herself in relationships that were never meant to last.

Letting Go of the Ego Boost

I had convinced myself that pouring into people who weren’t meant to stay was a noble act of love. In truth, it was a way to avoid confronting the deeper issues in my heart. It gave me an ego boost, a sense of purpose in the midst of the pain, but it wasn’t healing me. It wasn’t bringing me the rest I so desperately craved.

God’s best requires us to stop looking for validation in places that can never fill us. We pour ourselves out, trying to fix others, when God is calling us to sit still and let Him do the healing—both in them and in us. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a light, but when we place ourselves in the line of fire to “save” someone else, we end up doing more harm than good. Not just to them, but to ourselves.

We are not called to fix people, to be the hero in their story. That’s God’s job. We are called to love them, to reflect God’s love, but never at the expense of our own hearts and souls. When we step into roles God never called us to, we put ourselves in harm’s way, and it’s not out of love—it’s out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of not being enough, fear that God’s best may never come.

The Call to Trust God’s Best

God’s best is never found in settling. It’s found in trusting. Trusting that He knows what we need better than we do. Trusting that we are worthy of the love, the provision, the relationships, and the blessings He has for us. When we stop running and finally let go of what we’ve been clinging to out of fear, we make space for God’s best to come into our lives.

But that requires courage. It requires faith. It requires us to stop pouring out in places that God never asked us to. To stop playing the martyr, and to trust that we are enough just as we are. We don’t need to prove our worth by saving someone else. We don’t need to find our purpose in fixing others.

God is calling us to rest in His love and trust that He will bring the right people, the right opportunities, and the right provision into our lives at the right time. We don’t have to force it. We don’t have to settle. His best is worth the wait.

Letting Go and Trusting the Process

After days of running, striving, and pouring into places that left me empty, I had to confront the truth: I wasn’t healing myself, I was depleting myself. God was telling me to let go and open myself up to receive the best He had for me. And that best wasn’t found in settling for “This will do” or “Maybe this is enough.” It was found in resting in His love and trusting His timing.

If you’ve been running, if you’ve been pouring into things and people that are depleting you, it’s time to stop. Stop running from God’s best. Stop settling for less than what He has promised. Open yourself up to receive the fullness of His love, and trust that He will provide everything you need in His perfect time.

The rest you’ve been searching for is not found in settling—it’s found in surrender. Surrender to His will, His timing, and His best. It’s worth it. You are worth it.

Talk soon, xoxo <3