It was my pride that led me to believe that God could, or would, only use certain things and people for His glory. I was wrong, and my life thus far is a testament to just how powerful God’s love is. When I was in a pit, when I was at my absolute darkest, He asked for permission to take hold of my heart. The perfect gentleman. 

“I know you’re in pain, and I know how hard it is giving someone your trust without knowing if it will be reciprocated. You’ve been taken advantage of, taken for granted, abandoned. You’ve been hurt. I know how you feel because I feel it too. Give me the chance to redeem you. Give me the chance to love you the way I’ve desired to for so long. You keep running away because you’re scared of the unknown. I’m inviting you to get to know me. My arms are wide open. I’ve been waiting for you, beloved. You are the apple of my eye, and you deserve to be treated as such. Trust me, because I won’t fail you. I can’t fail you. It isn’t in my nature. I love you.”

This TikTok video is what started my ministry, where I post messages that God puts on my heart for His children. People often ask me how they can have a relationship with God like I do, and my answer is this: 

I’m the most special un-special person you can imagine. I’m loved and put on a pedestal by a king, the one true living God, but I’ve had my fair share of being down in the dirt. There’s a seat with my name on it in Heaven, yet I’ve been put through absolute hell on this earth. I’m no better than the next. We’re all flawed individuals, with trauma and pain tied to our names. It’s defined us, or at least, we’ve allowed it to. The only difference between me and someone who has no hope for the future, someone suffocating in what feels like constant failure, someone gasping for love, is the fact that when I came face-to-face with the opportunity to surrender control, I said yes. 

In choosing to surrender and say yes to God, I learned that thoughts such as “I’m not good enough”, “My relationship with Him isn’t strong enough yet”, and “What I’ve been through isn’t THAT important”, all stemmed from fear. Fear that people would judge me for acting ‘holier than thou'. Fear that people would ask questions I didn’t know how to answer. Fear that I would push away people who THOUGHT they knew me, the "real" me. I thought being used by God required experience, the kind you gain after being in a relationship with Him for YEARS. At the time, I didn’t fully understand that God doesn’t require perfection. I didn’t understand that He doesn’t call the qualified, but He qualifies the called. Meaning that He wants to take YOU and what YOU’VE been through—things that society makes you feel ashamed of, things that society says you can’t come back from, things you’re scared to admit—and use it for His glory. There are people who have experienced the same pain as you, stuck in a cycle of hopelessness, feeling like they’re a lost cause. There are young girls, boys, men, and women of all ages that God desires to inspire through YOU!! 

I had to come to understand how selfish I was for holding back what God put on my heart to share. We each have a testimony, and we each have a calling on our lives that ties into edifying God’s children. He told me to start a TikTok, but He could tell you to do it another way. It’s all about being in tune with His Holy Spirit. Seeking His heart is how we come to hear His voice. 

A common misconception we have when we’re on the fence about fully pursuing God and His will for our life is that we need to be whole before getting in His presence. In reality, it’s getting in His presence that makes us whole. We try to do things in our own strength, failing to understand that God alone can provide the strength we need to face the trials this life has to offer. 

You’re coming face-to-face with your Creator. You can either trust Him with your heart and do life with Him by your side, or you can retract out of pride and fear. He’ll love you either way, but one of these choices will cost you eternity. Although this life is temporary, God still wants you to be successful. Happy. Whole. A relationship with Him, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, is the blueprint you need to get there. 

God is calling you by name, waiting for you with open arms. 

Fear is calling you by your past experiences, beckoning for you to stay in the hamster wheel that is familiarity. Stagnancy. 

What will you choose?

Originally posted on October 11th, 2021